First and Last
by poetryismyfirstlove
Summary: AU. TROGAN. The story of Rory's first and last love.
1. Prologue

PROLOGUE

I watched Logan walk away from me after rejecting his marriage proposal. I wanted to try long distance again but he wanted all or nothing. So I had to let him go, I wasn't ready. I have everything up in the air for me, not sure how to deal with my postgrad life. But if I were to be completely honest, I'm not sure if I would ever be ready again. I love him, I know I do but for the last few years I haven't been completely honest with him.

Most would assume Dean was my first love, but it barely skimmed the surface, not even when we tried again after sleeping together. But I wanted to love him, he was safe and comfortable and dependable. My mother thinks Jess was my first love. All bad boy and passion and angst. Maybe I could have loved him, had he stuck around but he wasn't the first.

No one knows, not even my Mom. Our love was between him and me. It's too precious to share and the memories still vivid as if it was yesterday. I visit our place, his favourite spot. I return to where it started under a willow tree on top of a hill at the old Hartford cemetery or maybe I should have started at a piano bench at Madeleine's or Mr. Remmy's class in Chilton. Ultimately, I decided it started with a wish I made when I was 8 as Lane and I were contently lying on the grass, waiting for shooting stars.


	2. Runaway Romeo's Return (Bibleboy's Back)

_The summer before senior year at Chilton, my mom left me to stay at my grandparents in Hartford so she could attend summer courses for her business class in New York. I didn't mind as it allowed me some time with my grandparents and Mom left me the jeep so I could drive around when I needed to escape my grandparents. Besides Dean was in Chicago and we were taking a break. Things have not been the same post-reconciliation, as if something was missing._

_I was driving back from Stars Hollow after having my fill of lunch and coffee at Luke's. As I had time to spare before dinner at 7 with my grandparents, I decided to take the long route to Hartford. I passed by trees and houses and noted the old Hartford cemetery with its rusted gates and weathered tombstones which stuck out like crooked teeth. _

_I would have caused an accident after hitting the brakes suddenly. I was shocked to see a familiar looking blond boy enter the said gates. I didn't believe in ghosts but I might as well, seeing as how he was here when he was supposed to be in military school in North Carolina. If it weren't for the fact that I saw him coming out of his car, I would have sworn he was a ghost._

_I pulled behind his car and parked to follow him inside._

_"Tristan Dugrey?" I asked tentatively. _

_He turned around and I was greeted with an image of a shocked Tristan followed by a curious Tristan. I expected a buzzcut and some muscles from military school but he looked just like the way he left junior year before our Romeo and Juliet play. Speaking of which-_

_"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be doing push-ups at North Carolina? Has Paris seen you yet? If she hasn't, I suggest you hide from her. She still calls you runaway Romeo and I doubt she'd forgive you for that. Did you know she played Romeo when Brad also changed schools? And why is your hair long? I thought they shaved heads at military school or did they spare your hair because your head would look weird without it. And why didn't you build up any muscles? Are you still slacking around? And-"_

_ "Mary?" Tristan was finally able to say, cutting my rambling._

_"So you can speak, and here I thought you were a ghost. But even if you were a ghost, you still can't get my name right. " I said sarcastically._

_"I know your name, Rory. Mary just fits you better. And for me to be a ghost I have to be dead first although, I don't mind haunting you. Just think of all the possibilities." He replied with a leer._

_"Then I wouldn't mind calling ghostbusters on you. As for my name, I'm sure my mom has something to say about it as she thinks Rory fits me better because she was the one who named me. But seriously, Tristan, what are you doing here?"_

_"Military school turned out to be a letdown and I was called back for the summer. And don't think I forgot how you rambled earlier about my hair and my muscles. Were you thinking about me while I was gone, Mary?" he asked with his signature smirk. _

_"Although, I didn't expect you'd be talking to me. I thought you hated me? And I'm surprised you're here in Hartford, far away from Bagboy." He added as an afterthought._

_"You wish. I'm here because Mom's attending business school for the summer, and I'm staying at my grandparents. As for Dean, he is in Chicago taking a break. And I don't hate you. You annoy me to no end but I never hated you. It was just I was so relieved Dean was there and I knew how he felt about you so I told him I hated you." I ranted._

_He looked thoughtful for a minute perhaps processing my rant. "Was there any truth to what you said that day? If you didn't hate me, does that mean you didn't love bagboy? Is that why you're taking a break?" he asked, holding me with his cerulean gaze. _

_"I don't think it's any of your business, whatever is going on between Dean and I. Just be thankful I don't hate you." I snapped._

_"Whatever Rachel. So if you don't hate me, does that mean you love me?" _

_He was really getting good at annoying me but I decided he was just trying to get under my skin the way he usually did and I did feel awful when I said it before. "I can't hate you because I don't know you Tristan. For me to truly hate you, you'd have to be a Grinch who not only stole Christmas but coffee and books."_

_"So get to know me then. I figured since you'd be sticking around Hartford and I'm stuck here as well for the summer, we could try being friends again." He offered._

_Can we do this? It's not like I have anything to do this summer and besides, I could always use a friend in Hartford."Sure, why not." I relented as I shrugged my shoulders in nonchalance._

_"You know what, Mary; this could be a start of a beautiful friendship. Who knows, by the end of the summer, you could be madly in love with me." He said, as he started to put his arm on my shoulder lightly, trying to lead me to where he was originally going before I stopped him._

_"Tristan, don't make me cry the first day we're trying to be friends. And could you please stop calling me Mary? If you call me that, I'd start calling you other names too." I warned him._

_"Now now, Mary, we both know you only cry when kissed, unless you want me to." He leered. I blushed, remembering that time we kissed by the piano at Madeleine's party. _

_"And pet names? I feel honoured" he said, placing a hand to his heart._

_"Yeah yeah. Of course you'd feel honoured, it's not everyday you'd be called Spawn of Satan or Bibleboy." I quipped back._

_"As long as I get to call you Mary, I'll even let you call me baby, sweetheart or honey." He replied with a suggestive wiggle of his eyebrows._

_"That's just lame, Bibleboy." I retorted. "So where are we going and why are you here?"_

_"Just up the hill, to my favourite place in Hartford. I spend time here when I want to be alone and escape people." He explained._

_"I wouldn't have thought you'd want to escape the masses or your adoring group of girls. But I understand the need for solitude. I love my mom and all but she can be a little over the top at times so when I want some quiet time I'd go to this old bridge and read."_

_We were walking uphill, enjoying the quiet for a change. But I was curious why Tristan chose this place out of everywhere else he could go to. "Tristan, why did you choose this place?"_

_"At first, it was because I know no living person would voluntarily come here and later I got into thinking. These people buried here used to be alive you know, they must have walked here too a long time ago. And before I end up anywhere buried, it's time I enjoyed the scene while I am still alive." He shrugged his shoulders, as if it was no big deal._

_But I knew it was a big deal, what he was sharing with me today. This was only the second time he was being sincere with me since we had that talk before we kissed. _

_As we reach the top of the hill, Tristan sat under a willow tree, patting the grass beside him for me. I sat down beside him and admired the view of Hartford. _

_"So what do you do when you come here? I have nothing to do to kill time." I asked, truly curious to this new side of Tristan I've discovered._

_"You can't kill time, Mary, it kills you. I used to smoke but stopped since my mother nags me that smoking is bad. Sometimes, I try to catch up on sleep or maybe read. Most times I just watch the world pass me by, and then I'd wait up for sunset before going home." He said as he lied down on the grass._

_ "Mind if I join you?" I asked lying down beside him before he could answer. _

_After sometime, I felt his breathing go even meaning he was asleep. I looked at Tristan with his tousled blond hair and noted his strong jaw and perfectly curved lip. No wonder the girls were crazy about him. And if his eyes were open, I knew I'd be looking in a sea of blue._

_I watched the clouds roll by and the branches of the willow sway with the wind, wondering how I ended up here and how the summer would unfold._

_Afterwards, we watched the sunset and I was in awe of the view. "Thank you for sharing this place me with me Tristan. It's beautiful."_

_"I've always thought so Mary." He said and I turned to him staring at me, blue locked on blue, with this smile on his face. _

_I blushed and looked away. I always thought I was immune to his looks but I was still just a girl after all. I felt butterflies in my stomach, a first in the presence of Tristan and wondered whether it was because of something I ate._

_I thought back earlier how we went from our usual bickering to bantering to sharing stuff with each other. I never thought there would be this side to Tristan and I find myself actually liking it. Weird but this was a good thing, I told myself._


	3. Romeo Must Die

_We started to meet in the afternoons at his spot, just hanging out, talking or reading or sleeping as in Tristan's case. So far we have decent conversations and he has kept his innuendos to a minimum. Sometimes we'd drive around Hartford, eating and drinking coffee at obscure shops but we'd always return to watch the sunset. _

_It was as if we were hiding from people who knew us. Like our friendship was something of a secret that we purposely chose to keep from others, perhaps to escape judgement but unconsciously it was something I wanted to keep to myself, afraid that when the news breaks out he'd return to the same Tristan._

_I met with him one day after attending a meeting with Paris for the paper._

_"I met with Paris earlier. I asked her if she has heard from you since you left and somewhere in her rant I surmised that she has no clue. I think you should keep it that way. I also heard her say if you come back to Chilton, she's thinking of writing a remake of Romeo Must Die. Guess who the lead is?" I said as I plopped down beside him._

_"Hello to you too, Mary. That's imaginative of Paris and nobody knows I'm here except you anyway." He replied, without looking up from a book he was reading._

_"So what's today's agenda? You have to entertain me so I could forget the long hours I spent with Paris, listening to her blab how excited she is to go to Washington and at the same time blaming me that she'd be stuck with an idiot for a roommate. I would be going with her but since Mom's away, I decided not to come. Besides, can you imagine me being cooped up with Paris?" I rambled as I tried to get Tristan's attention. Talk about ironic._

_"What am I your private clown? Grab a book or something. And I cannot imagine being stuck with Paris for the summer, school's bad enough listening to her neuroses. But admit it, you'd rather spend time with me." He said smirking, still without taking his eyes off the book._

_I just want to wipe his smirk away. He was right but I'd never admit it. "You sure think highly of yourself, Bibleboy. Besides it was just my self-preservation instinct that kicked in so I chose the lesser evil."_

_"Thanks Mary, now I feel special. I'll try and worm my way until I make it to the top of your favourite person list." He said, now looking up at me and fixing me with his gaze. _

_"Sorry to say, Tris, but you're sort of aiming high. The only way to top it really is well, if you were my Mom and you gave me life or you were the discoverer of coffee." I jibed._

_After that, I followed his lead and opened up the book I brought with me. It felt nice to just read together and be lost in silence and into another world._

_And as usual, we watched the sunset together. I'm still feeling butterflies as I recalled the way he smiled at me the first time we were here. Was it my imagination that he was looking at me and not at the sunset?_

_"Why do you always wait for the sun to set? I mean, it's beautiful and all but the sunrise is beautiful as well." I asked, curious._

_"With each sunset, it means another day is over so I'm just thankful for everyday I was given." He replied._

_"But wouldn't it be better to wait for the sunrise and be thankful of another day you get to live?" I reasoned._

_"Not everybody's lucky to be assured they're going to live another day, Mary. Besides, why would I want to wake up that early?" He reasoned back._

_"I guess. But that is a pessimistic view isn't it?" I challenged him._

_"I'm pragmatic, Mary. Everyone dies, even just sitting and letting time pass brings you closer and closer to death and whatever view you may have in life doesn't change it. You just have to find one that works for you and live with your choices." He countered._

_I find myself intrigued with this Tristan. When did he become deep? All in all, spending time with Bibleboy was surprisingly enjoyable, something that has not escaped my attention._

* * *

_"Is sex as good as they say it is?" I asked him one day after reading a particularly raunchy chapter of a book._

_"Why are you asking me that?" He asked, flabbergasted from his previously bored position lying down on the grass._

_"I figured, hanging out with the King of Chilton, I could ask you and benefit from your knowledge. Plus I heard girls talking in the bathroom. And it's not like I'm that curious to find out for myself. You don't have to be shy. I give you permission to be lewd." I explained, quite nervous yet comfortable to be opening the topic with him._

_"Nice to know you look to me for knowledge about sex but I'd tell you if there was something to tell." _

_I was waiting for him to continue but he just blushed and looked away. Did Tristan Dugrey just blush? Was something wrong with the usual innuendo-laden boy who pestered me? And then it hit me. "Oh my God! Are you kidding me? You're still a virgin!?How is that possible?" I blurted out laughing at this new found knowledge._

_"Shut up, Mary. It's not funny." He admonished. "I've done some things, you know. There are many ways to get a girl off without the actual sex. There are fingers, mouth and tongue—"_

_"Okay okay, I get it. No need to be too graphic." I cut him. "But the way they talk, it sounds like you've gone all the way." _

_"I wish or maybe they wish. It's one of the reasons why Summer and I broke up, because I wouldn't put out so cheated on me. I find it ironic how a girl would say that to me." he said dejectedly._

_"Well, she's an idiot. I've always thought that having sex for the first time requires a lot of thought and it would be more special if you could share it with someone you love. At least, I plan to do it that way." I said, not knowing why I shared this with him before I could stop myself, and felt myself blush._

_"I guess he'd be lucky to have you." He said sincerely._

_"So why haven't you done it yet? I mean if not for the lack offers then why haven't you? Somehow, I didn't picture you to be the patient kind of guy" I pushed him to answer._

_"You wound me, Mary" he said, holding his hand over his heart."Truth is I was kind of afraid that the sex would kill me." _

_I burst out laughing. "You're weird. Honestly Tris." _

_"Hey, it could happen you know. I bet it would be one hell of a way to go." He joked and then he became serious as he fixed me with his gaze again. "Maybe, I was waiting for that person too." _


	4. The Romeo and Juliet Kind

_"I'm thinking of breaking up with Dean." I blurted while were in the middle of reading. _

_"Not that I'm sad for bagboy, Mar but why?" He asked, his attention now on me._

_"I love Dean but I don't think I'm in love with him. Not the way true love should be." I tried to explain._

_"The Romeo and Juliet kind?" He volunteered not so innocently._

_"Not that I have to resort to killing myself, but I think you know you really love someone when they have the ability to hurt you as much as they love you." The concept also difficult for me to describe._

_"And you don't think you have that with Dean? Why?" He asked wanting me to further elaborate._

_"The first time we broke up, it hurt because it was so abrupt but I wallowed and eventually felt better. When we reconciled, it was good again for a while until everything just felt routine. He was safe but I felt something missing. Like now, he's away and I should be pining for him but I'm not."_

_"So not missing him, means you don't love him?" he asked, catching on my thinking._

_"Kind of. It means that I could live without him, that even if we break up now I won't feel as if a part of me has died. We don't have highs or lows. We have a stream of averages. And it's not the way I imagined love to be. You read great loves in books and watch it in movies and they all show that love is not something you want to be average. You could settle for a plain shirt, or even regular coffee, but love, love should be great and all sorts of amazing." I finished explaining._

_He looked thoughtful with what I said, probably taking in what my monologue." Do you think you could find it?"_

_"I hope so." I replied in earnest._

_"Do you think you could fall in love with someone like me?" he then asked._

_"I can't." I replied automatically._

_"Why not?" he asked with brows raised though I could have sworn he looked disappointed for a second._

_"Because I don't want to get my heart broken." I reasoned._

_"But isn't that the point? He countered, blue eyes challenging mine._

_"Are we still talking hypothetical here?" I asked starting to feel uneasy with the topic and confused whether we were speaking realistically._

_"To be fair Mary, you'd just as easily break mine too." He said, his intense eyes not leaving mine._

_And for a while, I felt my breath catch and those butterflies again._


	5. Mary, Bibleboy and My Girl

_Tristan was absent yesterday and I missed him. _

_It would have been strange a month ago to miss him but not now. Not since I've admitted to myself that he has somehow managed in a short time to worm his way into my life. I guess it was because I was right about him all along, we would have been good friends at Chilton had he dropped his act. And because of that I miss him, besides the fact that I was bored. _

_So I was really happy when he showed up today._

_"Hey, Tris! Where were you yesterday?" I greeted him._

_"Why? Did you miss me, Mary?" he answered back._

_"Don't feel so important Bibleboy, I was just curious. Besides, without your ego, I had a lot more space to myself." I shot back._

_"Believe what you say, Mar, but we both know the truth." He said knowingly._

_"Yeah, that being friends with you means I get two, you and your ego." I jibed._

_"Funny, Mar. If you must know, I accompanied grandpa to the doctors." He said._

_"Oh! Is he okay?" I asked worried. I did hear from my grandpa that Tristan's grandpa was a fine man._

_"The old man's okay. He'll probably outlive me." He answered with his smirk._

_"That's not possible. I was always told that evil ones live longer, the better to torture the good people." I retorted._

_"So does that mean you enjoy my torture?" he asked with a smirk._

_"No. But I never said I was good, didn't I?" I shot back with a wry smile._

_"Touche, Mary. Doesn't mean I'm also evil." He replied._

* * *

_I was on the way to see Tristan while talking to my Mom on the phone during a break in her class._

_"So mini-me, what's new at the land of Adolf?" she greeted._

_"Grandma and grandpa's fine, Mom." I replied._

_"Did they take you to the country club or made you attend DAR meetings? Or wait, maybe they've introduced you to appropriate boys now that you're on a break with Dean." She rambled._

_"Nothing like that Mom. Grandpa and grandma has actually let me be this summer and not pushing me to do things." I said before she could continue rambling._

_"Are you serious?! When I was your age, they'd hardly let me have time to myself or allowed me to do things I wanted." she cried in surprise._

_"Well, Mom, without disrespect. They do know that I am not you." I reasoned._

_"How could you say that? What's the point of me calling you mini-me?" she argued._

_"For starters, Mom, I wouldn't be calling you mini-me." I deadpanned._

_"Fine, ruin my fun! So what have you been doing aside from imbibing massive amounts of coffee?" she asked._

_"Well, you know, I sometimes drive around, sit on the grass, read my books, watch the sunset." I answered vaguely not wanting to elaborate or mention Tristan. _

_"Geez! Maybe you aren't my mini-me. When I was your age, I would've painted the town red, hung out by the pool, gone out with a boy..." She rambled, listing things she would have done. _

_"You do remember, Mom, that when you were 17 you already had me?" I reminded her._

_"So not the point. It's Summer, Ror, have some fun." She said in encouragement._

_"I don't really like hanging out in the club house pool with people I don't know but maybe I'll paint my nails red later." I relented._

_"How about a boy? Have you met anyone new?" she asked._

_"No, no one new." I answered. I wasn't lying. _

_"Well, keep me posted, sweets. And make sure he is hot. I don't want ugly grandkids. Love you." _

_"Ok, Mom. Love you too." I said before hanging up the phone. _

_I don't know why I didn't mention Tristan. Maybe I was afraid that Mom would have something to say about him being a society boy and the fact that I told her many stories about him. But I wasn't ashamed of him. I wasn't ready to tell her yet or anyone for the matter. No one knows Tristan was here anyway._

_But if I knew her, I'm sure she'd say he was hot. _

* * *

_We decided one day to watch movies at his house so I could introduce him to a Gilmore girl movie marathon. We were both plopped on his bead surrounded by junkfood. I introduced him to the marvel that is John Hughes and Willy Wonka while he introduced me to sports movies. _

_Later in the day, I popped in My Girl which was one of the movies I remembered crying to when I was a little girl. _

_In the middle of the movie, Shelly compared men to bingo cards and quoted 'You can be in a room with a hundred men and not like any or you can be in a room with just one man and he's exactly the one you want.' I always thought that it was true the way she put it. _

_I reached out for the bowl of chocolate chip cookies in front of Tristan and noticed him looking at me as if he has just figured something out._

_"What?" I asked. "I'm still hungry." I said defending my appetite._

_"It's not that, although I am surprised how you could eat so much and not weigh like a baby whale. I just never really thought of it that way and how it makes sense." He said._

_"What makes sense? Because you're not making sense to me." I said confused._

_"Nothing you should be worried about, Mar. It's something I should worry about." He said._

_"Well, but you'll tell me eventually right?" I implored._

_"We'll see, Mar. Now, no talking and continue watching." He ordered._

_After the movie was finished, I was wiping my own tears when I swear I saw him wipe a tear from his eyes._

_"Were you crying?" I asked surprised. I would not have thought this of him, but somehow, he has always managed to alter my opinion of him._

_"No." He denied. "I just got something in my eyes."_

_"Yeah, Tris, it's called tears. It's okay to cry you know. I wouldn't think you're less manly." I reassured him._

_"Okay so maybe a little." He admitted. "It's just sad how Thomas J died. You think Vada moved on from losing her friend?"_

_"She did. I watched My Girl 2, although it wasn't as good as the first one." I said. Tristan looking at me expectantly, knowing I didn't answer his real question._

_"But metaphorically, I don't know how she did it. They say moving on is something we should aspire to and is inevitable in the process of grief but I don't know anyone close to me who has died. I hope it's true and I hope I never have to find out." _


	6. R & J All Over Again ( I Die, You Die)

_"I'm bored. Let's do something different." I said one time while we were hanging out._

_"What do you have in mind?" He asked. _

_"I don't know. You're the guy. You think of something." I said._

_"How is that logical? You're the one bored. I'm perfectly content here." He said._

_"But we do this everyday. Let's drive around, go on a trip or something." I suggested._

_"Where do you want to go?" he asked._

_"Anywhere, let's drive and stop at the first place we see as fun." I said, feeling excited that he's considering my suggestion._

_"I don't know. Are you like asking me out? Because if this is a date Mary, then you got it wrong, usually it's the guy who's doing the asking but since I tried that already then should I play hard to get now that you're asking me out?" he teased._

_"Funny, Tristan. I should remind you that the only way I'd go out on a date with you is when I hit my head, and I don't see any piano or safe here." I retorted._

_"Given our history Mar, the only thing I'd do anywhere near a piano is kiss you and safes are just not a safe topic, considering what I did, pun intended." He quipped, to which I rolled my eyes in response._

_"Well, we better go if we want to hit the road and be back before dinner". He said as he stood up and pulled me with him to his car._

_We ended up driving to the next town where we saw a carnival was going on and I convinced him to pull over. We played some games where we really sucked and ate corndogs, popcorn, caramel apples, funnel cake and cotton candy. We went to ride on the carousel and had fun in the bump cars._

_We entered the house of mirrors where they had really cool optical illusions. We had a lot of fun laughing at ourselves looking fat and stretched and distorted. Then we came upon the infinity room. We stood in the middle surrounded by infinite images of the both of us._

_"Cool." I said as Tristan stood beside me looking around us._

_"You think life is like this mirrors? That there are infinite possibilities, that somewhere in some parallel universe, there's me and you standing like this but having different circumstances?" He asked._

_"I think in some way, yes, that could be possible. Just the thought of you and me standing here right now being friends is already one different possibility I haven't seen beforehand." I replied._

_"Why? What did you see happening to us?" he asked._

_"Well, after you were gone, there wasn't any news about you. You didn't maintain contact with anyone and everyone sort of moved on to other things. Maybe, I would have forgotten about you too eventually not until someone would mention military school or Mary or maybe PJ Harvey or Romeo and Juliet, then I'd remember you or perhaps when I see blond hair and blue eyes then an image of you leaning on my locker would flash before me. I would have assumed that you survived military school and perhaps attended an Ivy League school by your parents' choice or perhaps you would have defied them and joined the military or maybe you've managed to become a star in some cheesy teen series. I for one see myself attending Harvard and becoming a foreign correspondent or writer for the NY Times. Who knows, maybe at our class's 10 year anniversary, we'd somehow see each other again. " I rambled, imagining the future._

_"That would have been a dreary world, Mar. Now, aren't you glad that we met this summer? I for one am glad that I got to spend time with you. And just so you know, I would not have forgotten about you." He said, finishing his last words softly._

_"Well, I'm glad you're here too Tris." I admitted, the butterflies starting to flap their wings again. "How about you, what possibility would you have seen happening to us?" _

_"Hmm... I'm thinking that somewhere there's a version of me and you where we were friends and that you were in love me, only you didn't know it yet..." he started, which earned him a glare from me. "Maybe not, but then again I am hoping that somewhere a much better and wiser version of me is asking you out on a date properly where you'd say yes." He said._

_"Is that a proposition or are we still talking theoretical?" I asked unsure of his intention._

_"What do you think?" he asked, his expression remaining passive._

_"Depends, what I get out of it." I bargained._

_"How about something sparkly?" he offered, showing me a ring with a sparkly pink glass on top he must have gotten earlier at the games._

_"Oooh! Shiny! Give me, give me!" I said in true Lorelai fashion and took the ring from his hand and wore it on my right ring finger, admiring the way it sparkled. _

_"If I knew it was this easy, I should've tried this a long time ago." He muttered to himself, shaking his head._

_"I still haven't said yes yet, you know. Throw in several cups of coffee then maybe I'll think about it." I said, suppressing a smile. _

_"You're killing my buzz here, Mar. But still, maybe is a much better improvement to a no. You just gave me a whole lot of possibilities." He said as he sauntered off ahead of me towards the exit._

_As we walked around, we came upon the ferris wheel to which Tristan was pulling me over. "Come on, let's ride the ferris wheel next." _

_"Absolutely not!" I refused._

_"Are you scared of heights, Mary?" he asked._

_"No." I denied immediately. "Maybe, a little." I relented. "Anyone who's not afraid would have been born in the air and lived in a treehouse. And it's not the height but the falling from said height that is my concern." I ranted._

_"Don't worry, Mar. I won't let you fall." He assured me._

_"How would you do that?" I asked, doubtful._

_"Trust me. In any case, I'll hold your hand so if you fall, I fall." He reasoned._

_"Is that supposed to make me feel better? I die, you die?" I asked, unconvinced._

_"Yep, it's like Romeo and Juliet all over again." He punned._

_"What's with you and Romeo? You have a secret desire to be him or was it because you never got to play the part?" I questioned._

_"Only if you're Juliet and yes, partly because I missed my chance." He shot back, to which I could only stare at him in wonder how I could never tell whether he's serious or not._

_ "See that old lady in line? Aren't you the least bit embarrassed that she had more guts than you?" He said trying to convince me._

_"No, she's already lived and enjoyed her life and I'm still too young." I said, unashamed of my cowardice as I looked over to where he was pointing._

_"Come on, live a little." He encouraged._

_"You mean die a little." I retorted._

_"You'll be missing out on a lot of things" He countered._

_"Like what? My demise?" I deadpanned._

_"Like what the world would look like from up there." He answered. "Come on." He pulled me before I could even think of a reply. I could find no fault with that reason._

_We got in line behind the old lady who immediately chatted with us as we waited for our turn._

_"It's good to see young people. I remember me and my husband coming to this carnival since we were 16. How old are you two?" _

_"I'm 17." I said_

_"18" said Tristan._

_"How did you meet?" I asked politely making conversation._

_"We met that summer we were 16. I was afraid to ride the ferris wheel and he went with me and told me he'd be there to hold my hand. After that well, as they say was history." She answered._

_"That was brave of him" I commented._

_"Oh he wasn't brave. He was just as scared but because he told me he fell in love at first sight that he was willing to suffer through it with me. But he was sweet. You know he's the one when he's willing to hold your hand not when everything is good but when everything is going bad." She explained, sagely. _

_"That's nice, so where is he?" I asked._

_"He died last year, heart attack. I told him to lay off the bacon but he wouldn't listen. That's why I'm doing this for the last time. I'll be moving next month to my daughter's house in Florida." She replied, sadly._

_I didn't know what to say. I could only imagine how sad it was for her to lose someone she loved most of her life. "I'm sorry to hear that, if you want you could have Tristan so you wouldn't be alone." I offered not so innocently._

_Tristan who had been silent all this time just listening looked at me as if I have just betrayed him. So maybe I did._

_"It's okay dear. I know this young man would rather spend it with you. Besides, He'd always be with me" She said, referring to her husband. "By the way, how long have you two been together?"_

_"Just this summer." Tristan said before I could answer, probably getting back at me._

_"Ah summer love's the best! Just look at my husband and I. It doesn't matter whether you've been together 50 years, 2 weeks, 6 months or an hour. When you're with the right person it always feels like forever." She gushed._

_Just then, it was her turn. "It's been nice talking to you dears. I wished my husband would have met you." She said_

_"It was our pleasure, ma'am" Tristan said politely._

_"Are you sure you don't want to take him?" I asked jokingly._

_"Really funny, Mar. You'd find it hard to get rid of me." He said._

_And then it was our turn. As we were getting seated and secured, Tristan asked me._

_"Ready Mary?"_

_"I am so taking you down with me" I muttered._

_He laughed and took my hand in his, intertwining them. "This will only take 15 minutes."_

_"15 minutes? That feels like forever!" I replied, shutting my eyes as I felt our ascent._

_ "Open your eyes, Mar." Tristan urged as we reached the top. "Now, doesn't the world look different from up here?" he asked._

_I have to admit, it looked pretty good. I could see the whole carnival up here and we had a view of the sunset. "Not bad, Bibleboy"_

_Up here, it wasn't only the view that was different. With just him and me, and air, I was more aware of our intertwined hands. If you asked me last year if I'd ever hold Tristan's hand willingly I would have replied I'd rather drink instant coffee. _

_I steal a glance at Tristan and notice that he's relaxed and smiling. He's different, I realized. He looked content, happy. It looked good on him. Damn._

_"How do you feel?" he asked, breaking me from my thoughts._

_"Ok, considering I'm still alive and I'm feeling less scared actually." I said._

_"Good. You know what you said earlier, you were right." He said, smiling._

_"I'm right about most things. What about?" I asked, curious._

_"This feels like forever." He said, his smile blinding me._

_Double damn. I guess I've changed too because I'm feeling different. The butterflies seemed to have grown bigger wings. I looked away and stared at our entwined hands with the ring he gave me on my finger. I couldn't help but smile. I don't know what would happen next but this definitely felt like a date._


	7. Butterflies and Sparks

_"Do you believe in marriage?" I asked, breaking the silence as we were lying down on the grass. I found it nice that I could talk about anything with Tristan._

_"I don't think about it, never had the reason to." He said with something akin to certainty._

_"I don't know what to think about it. My parents aren't married. My mother was almost married but she backed out. I guess, marriage should be for people who really mean them. It's easy to say you love someone when they look good, and you feel good and everything's going well. But you should love them too when everything's going bad. Marriage is loving each other despite the bad." I ranted._

_"Most couples in Hartford are like that, you know, they stay together despite the bad." He pointed out._

_"I don't mean keeping up appearances. It's like the old lady said, holding each other's hands through the tough times, and knowing that the person you love will stick by you and never leave you, because he loves you just the same." I explained._

_"That would be nice if it were ever true." he mused._

_"Yeah, that would be nice." I agreed. Changing the topic, I asked him the question that had been bothering me. "When you were with your flavours, did you feel anything for them?"_

_"I'm a teenage boy, Mar." He said, opening his eyes to turn to me as if that explained everything._

_"Not lust, I mean like a spark or butterflies." I clarified._

_"You're confusing me with a girl, Mar. Boys don't get butterflies" he retorted. "But I did feel that spark once"._

_"When?" I asked, curious and anxious of his answer._

_"At a party." He answered, looking away from me._

_"Oh." I said surprised and disappointed._

_"On a piano bench at Madeleine's party.'' He made clear._

_"Oh!" I said, remembering that kiss and felt myself blush. It truly was a nice kiss, much better than my first kiss with Dean. _

_It was at that moment that I finally admitted to myself that I was attracted to Tristan, more so now than before. And I found the confidence to finally do something about it. _

_"My boyfriend's not here." I said, and Tristan turned to me not following what I was saying._

_ "I was going to break up with Dean once he comes back and I thought that if you wanted to, you could be. I mean I don't want to assume or anything." I said, feeling my confidence waiver._

_Tristan went from confused to enlightened to ecstatic. He moved closer and traced my cheeks and lips with his fingers. Unlike our first kiss, I felt that I was prepared for this. That all this time I spent with Tristan, was so I could finally find out what the butterflies were about. And as he pressed his lips to mine, I got my answer. _

_The kiss was soft and sweet and perfect; his lips moulding to mine until we needed to part for air. I was seriously debating the need for air when Tristan grabbed me, hugging me close to him. _

_"What was that for?" I asked surprised but pleased to feel this close to him._

_"I figured you might want to run away again, at least this time you're not crying." He explained with that smirk of his._

_"Very funny, Tris." I said, but not moving away from him. If anything, I pressed myself closer, taking in his scent which was uniquely him._

_"I try. You know this means that you're not allowed to run away from me again, right?" he asked, blue eyes seeking reassurance._

_"Not gonna happen, Bibleboy." I said before I pulled his head close to mine and pressed my lips to his until we were lost in a haze of butterflies and sparks._

* * *

_We've been boyfriend and girlfriend for a week, and the butterflies and sparks have only intensified. We've spent hours making out at our spot and then some. _

_"If you could find a story to depict us who would we be?" I asked as I lay in the grass with him hovering over me._

_"How about Tristan and Isolde"? He answered as he started to kiss and suck on my pulse point. I could only grab onto his hair as he did so._

_"Because you're already Tristan? How about Grease? You'd be Danny and I'd be Sandy, bad boy and good girl." I said with a moan as Tristan continued his exploration of my neck, sucking and nibbling lightly._

_"I don't think I could rock that hair although I wouldn't mind seeing you in leather." He looked up with a leer. "You know it's not too late to play Romeo and Juliet" He said as he continued down my neck placing light kisses on my chest between the open collars of my shirt._

_"Still can't get over that? Paris already beat you to it. In fact I find it odd that our Paris played Romeo when in fact, Juliet was betrothed to another Paris." I rambled, enjoying his ministrations on my skin._

_"You know I'm doing my best work here and you're killing the mood talking about Paris." _

_"Ooh right! Sorry." I said sheepishly. _

_"Want to make it up to me?" He asked smirking._

_I flipped him over so that he was now lying down and I was on top straddling his hips. "You don't have to ask twice." I said with a smirk of my own and swooped down to kiss him and to return the favour._

_I'm definitely a fan of butterflies and sparks._


End file.
